A few times in my life I have visited the place between life and what we usually call “death” myself, and many times I have visited others as they lingered there.  For many it sounds like a frightening place, although not as frightening as what they perceive to be beyond the gray area that lies beteen the two states of being.

If you had asked me years ago when I was a child or young adult I would have told you that we had to be great people to get to spend eternity with God as I was taught, and then if you had asked me throughout most of my life my scientific mind would have told you that I believe our bodies lay to rest and I couldn’t prove what happened to our essence or spirit since no one had the answers to give.

When I was 27 I had encephalitis and almost died, so I spent a bit of time in a place that was simple and the most pleasant place I had ever been.  I don’t think most of us can plan for time spent in that place so we aren’t sure what to expect, but for me personally it was relaxing as I drifted with no emotional pain for the first time in my life, no physical ills, no urge to rush to complete any projects or be anywhere, and I really didn’t want to come back at all.  There were no big bright lights or parties of well-wishers, but I could feel the presence of energies, or what I felt were living or passed over creatures, all around me off in the distance.  The experience was one that affected me so deeply I didn’t feel connected to my body for a whole year after, and the only reason I chose to come back was that the medical staff working on me kept reminding me I had a young son who needed me.  I have been close to that place several times in my childhood, but that was the only time I lingered there for any length of time.

I worked for two years as a Respiratory Technician and worked many “codes” where we tried with all our technology and passion to save people who were on the brink of crossing over from this life, and there was definitely a time when the person’s spirit, energy, soul, or whatever one wants to call it was there in the person’s physical body and then wasn’t.  I never got a sense that the spirit ceased to exist, though, but more that they changed from living in this particular body to being part of all the rest of the energy that surrounds us every day.  Most people who passed over as I would describe it did so peacefully and were still around us but just not inside the body they had been in, and many lingered to watch us and be with the grieving family as well.

Since I chose to come back and eventually felt I connected pretty well with my own body after my illness I have searched on a subconscious level for the experience I had when I visited that gray area, and I have felt still part of it on some level.  I have visited many others who were in that gray area since then as well, and this place is not a place to fear or dread.  It isn’t the end room where human spirits are waiting to snuff out of existence, but more of a relaxing and centering place to ease into a new type of existence.  I have seen some struggle and cry before they get to this area, but once a person enters and understands it is okay to relax now it is a peaceful and satisfying place to them.  If they continue past this area that energy or soul isn’t gone, but just different.

That is why we might feel our parents touch our cheeks or hear from our children that “Grandma likes this shirt on me” or hear a whisper on the breeze even if they aren’t with us physically any more.  It also comes to mind that there are some we might not wish to have around us, but if we reach for healing ourselves those spirits will move on when we aren’t receptive to their energy any more.

So if you asked me now about that place or “death” itself I would say something very different from what I would have said even a few years ago.  I would say now that the line between life and what we think of as death isn’t bold and clear, and that there is nothing to fear or dread.  I would say that there is energy all around us and throughout the universe, and that it is simply in some forms we can see with our eyes and some we can’t.  There is a flow of time and space, and when we are open to other energy forms and spaces we aren’t bound by what we see in front of us and fears of disappearing or ending.  All I can say is that my own experience says to me  that our loved ones are often around us when we are receptive to them even after they have moved to a different place, that there are many energies around us that we may see or not see depending on many factors, and that the process of moving in and past that gray area where we either leave or stay can a wonderful place and not something to fear.

It is comforting to know that we don’t just pop out of existence and that the transition from one phase to another doesn’t have to be traumatic and terrifying, but it takes a different mindset than the one I grew up with to absorb the idea that we aren’t the masters of the planet and are instead part of the ebb and flow of states of matter and “time”.  We aren’t alone and our choices do matter since everything is connected, so we are at the same time small and no greater than other creatures and amazingly important and powerful beings.  When we look at our lives this way a bit of waiting to choose whether it is our time to go to our next phase of existence isn’t really frightening after all.  There are as many ways to view life and death as there are beings to consider it, but I guess the hope is more to make peace with whatever you believe is your path instead of trying to understand and control it.  Peace.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 20th, 2010 at 1:54 pm and is filed under Reflections. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.